By Howard L.
During my interview, I exaggerated my drinking habits, hoping to fit into the “heavy/binge” category demanded by the ad.
“Oh, uh, three or four.”
“When I was going to community college, I drank a bottle of wine every night.”
“I was going to community college,” I said.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
I didn’t qualify for the “heavy/binge” test, but I was eligible for a similar study, testing the effects of stimulants, sedatives, and alcohol on the nervous system. (Separately, not all at once. That’s been tried already–just listen to any Gregg Allman solo album.) An EKG determined that my heart could handle the drugs, and I was in. I kept a journal while I was guinea pig.
By the time Simon returns half an hour later for the second round of tests, I know I’m on a stimulant. My legs are tingling. I feel giddy. I feel a sense of belonging to the world and all those around me, even people who owe me money. I rip through the tests. Yes, I’ve felt a thrill go through me. Yes, I would be happy all the time if I felt as good as I do now.
