I’m a 17-year-old breeder chick. I really love guys. The problem is, I want to be the one with the dick. I’ve heard of guys who will let their wives fuck them up the ass with a strap-on. What I’ve never heard of is a teenage boy who’ll let me fuck him up the ass. I can’t place a personal ad because I am not 18, and I’m not interested in some 30-year-old guy. There’s also the problem of getting a strap-on. I look more like a 12-year-old than a 17-year-old, and I’m always kicked out of sex-toy stores. I can think of a few substitutes for strap-ons (cucumbers, bananas), but I can’t think of a single substitute for a willing guy my own age.
Rest assured, KST: There are guys out there who would be thrilled to bend over for you. Some of these guys have probably already started composing letters they’ll beg me to forward to you. Guys: Please don’t waste the stamp; don’t bother clicking send. As much as I want to see every straight man in America, especially straight men in Iowa, get fucked in the ass, I do not forward kinky mash notes to minors. There are grown women out there, guys, women who’ll fuck your asses for love or money, and I suggest you find one, buy her a drink, and beg. But don’t waste your time asking me to set you up with KST.
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
As for your other question–can this possibly work out?–that depends on what you mean by “work out.” If you mean will you two fall in love, get married, and grow old together, then no, it’s not going to work out. If you mean will you two have some fun, enjoy the time you have together (you enjoy his maturity and experience, he enjoys your youth and orifices), then yes, it’s going to work out fine.
Your friends, however, are in a position to help. Ask a friend to give you a blunt critique of your social skills and personal hygiene. If your close friend tells you you’re fine, ask yourself if she’s got bad breath, a big butt, and an annoying obsession with the World Bank. If she does, then you might want to get a second opinion, and a third, weigh the evidence against yourself, and then make some changes.
