Hey, Faggot:
–I Kidnapped Dolly
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To answer your main question–who buys and fucks these things?–I called Sex World, Minneapolis’s adult superstore. The nervous male checker couldn’t tell me how many blow-up dolls Sex World moves in a day, week, month, or year. Nor could he tell me who buys and fucks these things. All he would tell me was that female blow-up dolls are available on the first floor, and male blow-up dolls are in the gay section on the third floor. (When I asked if straight women ever came in to buy male blow-up dolls, he said, “Not likely.”) So who buys the fine inflatable females at Sex World? “Men.” What kind of men? “I don’t know.”
But if it’s workmanship you’re looking for, check out Abyss Creations’s Web site at www.realdoll.com. Abyss makes and sells dolls. Not blow-up dolls, but solid silicone-rubber dolls cast over a fully articulated skeleton. The “world’s finest love dolls” weigh in at 100 pounds and, according to the Web site, “can safely support over 600 pounds.” Real Dolls don’t come cheap: a standard two-entry version will set you back $4,999, and the deluxe three-entry model is $5,249. Shipping and handling is another $400. But look at what your money buys: a mouth with “soft and stretchy lips, ultra soft tongue, soft silicone teeth, and a hinged jaw,” vaginal lips that can be stretched, hand-sewn pubic hair, and breasts you can “press together to form deep cleavage.” Real Dolls are shipped wearing a minidress, bra, panties, and thigh-high stockings. According to Abyss’s Web site, Real Doll customers include “futurists, artists, art collectors, film-makers, scientists, professionals, housewives…single men, couples seeking to enhance their sex lives, hipsters looking for exotic decorative art.” And shock jocks. Howard Stern raved about his Real Doll on his radio show: “The best sex I ever had….Better than a real woman!”
Hey, MRS:
I assume the boyfriend is aware of the husband. It’s only fair then that the husband be made aware of the boyfriend. You could sit both down and sing, “Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, loving both of you is breaking all the rules.” Or sit your husband down and say, “I’ve been having an affair with an old boyfriend. I love you and I love him too. I can’t choose and would rather not have to. If it’s OK with you, let’s open up this relationship officially.”
