Hey, everybody: A few months back I departed from the usual advice-column Q & A and, taking full advantage of E-mail technology, experimented with a new, genre-busting format: Question & Response & Response. The experiment was a success, and many of you wrote in and suggested that I switch Savage Love over to Q & R & R. I declined to do so, I wrote at the time, because Q & R & R is a lot more work than good ol’ Q & A. But…after careful consideration, some market research, and a few focus groups, I’ve decided to run Q & R & R columns on a semiregular basis. Enjoy.
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Unless your big, gay roommate threatened to rape your tiny, straight butthole, you’re the asshole. If you simply can’t live with gay men, POINY, you might want to get the hell out of New York and move to some godforsaken shithole no self-respecting gay man would be caught dead in. Like Iowa. There are an awful lot of gay men in New York City, and while you can run from your gay roommate, you can’t hide from the rest of us. Sooner or later you’re gonna have to get a haircut or eat in a restaurant or ride on a subway and…guess what? When you do, there are gonna be gay men checkin’ out your butt. Why not stay put and get used to it?
I can’t believe you wrote me back. Honestly, so many classified ads for roommates advertise a person’s sexual preference. I guess I thought it was a normal disclaimer, that if someone was gay he told you before you moved in.
–POINY
Now I want you to go back to the beginning of this column and read your original letter. Your original question was, Who’s the asshole? Clearly, your roommate is–what you got wrong was why. It isn’t Mark’s gayness that makes him an asshole, but Mark’s bad sex-has-nothing-to-do-with-it behavior. Not telling you he was gay before you moved is, I’ll grant you, more evidence that Mark’s inconsiderate, but it’s not proof that all gay men make bad roommates. Right? Yes, you’re exactly right. Thanks.
