I am a woman who is attracted to gay men. In fact, I wish I were a gay man. When I fantasize about being with a man, I always imagine myself as also having a penis. I know there are ways a man can surgically become a woman, but it’s tougher to enlarge a woman’s clitoris into a functional penis and even more difficult to get one that would entertain a gay man.
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Why wait for your next life? Instead of hoping you come back as a gay man, why not explore becoming a gay man in this life? “The thing about being a trans person,” female-to-male (FTM) transsexual Spencer Bergstedt told me, “is this: You are really what you feel yourself to be. If you were born female-bodied and feel yourself to be a man, you’re a man, if born male-bodied and feel yourself to be a woman, you’re a woman.” Bergstedt is an attorney and the author of Translegalities, a legal how-to guide for trans people (available at www.spencelaw.com).
Loren Cameron is the FTM author of Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits, which documents his own transformation. Cameron knows lots of FTMs who identify as gay and bisexual, and most have found gay and bisexual male lovers. “They report that their lovers are quite happy with their enlarged and lovely clit-penises,” Cameron said. “This is not to say that finding partners is not difficult, but with a little self-confidence and positive sexuality everything is possible.”
I have been with my girlfriend for seven months now. Everything is just lovely. My relationship with her has been the best I have ever had with anyone. I love her so much and I just wish I could spend the rest of my life with her. There is one problem, though. I’ve been living a lie. My girlfriend thinks I’m a guy and I am not a guy. I am really a female. I’m so confused, because I don’t know what to do. I really love her and I wish I was a guy so I could spend the rest of my life with this woman.
“You are sincerely stupid,” said Bornstein, “but you’re not a bad person. You were afraid to say things for fear of losing love, and who hasn’t felt that? Now you have to make it right. Get a mediator, someone you both trust, and sit down with this person. Then say, ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’ Be prepared for the consequences: your girlfriend may slam the door in your face and say, ‘You’ve betrayed me’–and you have betrayed her. Now it’s your job to patch things up as best you can, the way any human being would patch it up with a lover.”
