Hey, Faggot:
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Being a responsible member of the media, I realize I’m supposed to hustle on down to the next item on the feeding-frenzy buffet–The Lost World, Hong Kong, Eddie Murphy’s tranny pals–as even Ellen’s fans are sick of the Ellen/Ellen thing. But we old-fashioned sex-advice columnists, dependent on the U.S. Postal Service, have a longer lag time than folks working in higher-tech media. So, forgive me, but this is going to be another Ellen column. (For those of you who just can’t read one more goddamned thing about her, I’ve scattered a few jokes with nothing whatever to do with Ellen around the column as an incentive.)
DM: If I attacked anything in the Ellen/Crooked Dick column, it was the credulous, mush-brained overreaction on the part of so many of my normally cynical and delightfully vicious gay and lesbian pals. I wasn’t peeved at Ellen for coming out; I approve of Ellen coming out–I approve of anybody coming out. I was only disappointed that Ellen had stayed in so long.
Spooky: I’d just written “it was the credulous, mush-brained overreaction on the part of so many of my normally cynical and delightfully vicious gay and lesbian pals” when the mail came. I opened the letter on the top of the pile, and it was yours. Where to start? Perhaps with the requested apology: I’m sorry you’re such a credulous mush-fer-brains. And thanks for helping me make my case.
To all you men with bent penises:
