I have been an avid reader of your column for about three years, and I need you to answer a question for me. I don’t feel that this is a question I can ask my doctor or anyone who might have an answer for me at work. I am a black man who enjoys drinking the piss of other black males. I haven’t found many like-minded individuals to discuss the subject with, let alone to indulge with, so my experience with this activity is pretty rare.
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“If THC-positive urine was ingested by someone, that wouldn’t be much different than breathing secondhand smoke,” said the doc, “and [secondhand smoke] is showing up on tests these days. You might get a positive test result, although ingesting THC this way wouldn’t get you off.” What the doc means, of course, is that drinking THC-positive urine won’t get PD high, even if it does get PD off.
Feeling uncharacteristically responsible–both PD’s job and sex life were hanging in the balance–I sought a second opinion. Emily Davis, a lab technician at Northwestern University in Chicago, assured me that most job-related drug tests are pretty generic, and few would be sensitive enough to pick up small amounts of THC or traces of other drugs that had been filtered through two sets of kidneys. “The only chance is if the person was an extremely hard-core user and then would have higher traces in their urine,” said Davis, who feels you are at greater risk of picking up a sexually transmitted disease than you are of flunking a drug test. “Although urine has the smallest trace amounts of HIV of all the bodily fluids, and no cases of infection through urine have ever been documented, mucous membranes in the mouth could conceivably absorb the virus into the body.” AIDS is the most glamorous STD, of course, so it’s the one most people fantasize about contracting. You should probably worry more about syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, and other STDs, PD, than you should about AIDS.
Snowballing goes like this: A man ejaculates in another person’s mouth, and the person whose mouth was ejaculated into kisses the person who ejaculated, passing the ejaculator’s ejaculate, or “pud,” back into his own mouth. At this point, the ejaculator has a choice to make: he can swallow his own pud, he can pass his pud back into the mouth of the person who passed it into his mouth, or he can beat the person who snowballed him to death with a chair leg.
It never ceases to amaze me just how many straight men are apparently willing–anxious!–to have sex with women they’ve never met. The number of guys who offer–sight unseen!–to eat a strange woman’s pussy (in response to a recent letter) or, in EVW’s case, to take her virginity, well, it staggers me. Of course, the number of gay men out there willing to have sex with strange men–some even willing to drink their partner’s urine–also staggers me. But you know what? I don’t get stacks of mail from gay men wanting to fuck other gay men whose letters have run in my column–only mail from straight men wanting to fuck women whose letters they’ve read. Weird.
