My husband and I are passionately in love. Our sex life is truly amazing. Our problem: As far as I’m concerned, he is obsessive about collecting sexual material. He continually purchases all kinds of porno magazines. He keeps a photo album of us (which he claims he looks at most frequently) and also has a collection of pussy/cocks/tits videos. When he isn’t looking at porn he’s reading books about different sexual positions or how to enhance orgasms, and he keeps talking about going on a nudist vacation somewhere (I have no problem with that, I love to be naked).
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Anytime I suggest that men and women are even slightly different sexually, the outraged letters pour in. Men and women are exactly the same, my testy readers inform me, except, of course, for those countless ways in which women are better. So I’m not going to tell you that (most) men respond to visual stimulation, and that it’s normal for (most) men to need or want visuals. But isn’t it odd that there are, oh, seven or eight thousand periodicals for men featuring photos of naked women (Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, GQ) and only one for women featuring naked men? (It’s called Playgirl, and you’re likelier to find a copy in a gay man’s apartment than a straight woman’s.)
As for your husband, his behavior does sound a tad obsessive, but you sound more concerned about what’s normal than about any negative impact his obsessive collecting is having on your sex life or your relationship. As sex problems go, this is pretty piddling. Yes, he’s obsessive, but is his obsession harming your relationship? Not from the sound of things. As for the dishonesty, the most likely reason he isn’t completely honest about the size of his collection (“Look honey, check out this tit-fucking spread in the new GQ!”) is that you’ve given him the impression that it bothers you. He probably hides its size from you to protect himself from your disapproval.
Ten years ago I fell for a girl but didn’t have the confidence to hit on her. Now we are pretty much best friends, and I’m petrified of raising the subject. Should I tell her I want to be romantic? What should I do? Oh, I live with her ex-boyfriend, who is still infatuated with her.
A friend recently slept with a man who shares your boyfriend’s rare superpower. At first I doubted my friend’s story, but now that I’ve seen the home video, I’m a believer. Is it a medical condition? No, it’s a talent. Enjoy.
