I’m stuck in a mentally and sometimes physically abusive relationship with a total cunt. She’s whaled on me before in drunken rages; however, I’ve never hit her back because I just can’t hit a chick. But she’s only a cunt when she’s drunk, and that’s only some of the time. The rest of the time she’s a totally cool, sweet, funny, great person to be around who’s extremely hot looking and hot in bed. It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde, though; you never know when she’s gonna snap and ruin the moment/night/week.
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Admit it: You would’ve dumped the, um, “cunt” months ago if she weren’t “extremely hot looking and hot in bed.” But I feel your pain, FMD, because once upon a time I fell in love with an extremely hot guy. His body? Like a rower. The sex? Like a porn loop. His personality? Like, a problem. I put up with psychotic fits, childish temper tantrums, and furiously irrational jealousy–all to keep the sex coming. And you know what? It was worth it. All he had to do was take off his shirt and, Jesus fuck me Christ, I would’ve forgiven him for skinning my mother alive with a penknife.
But one day I realized something. He was good-looking now, and he was great in bed now, but no one is good-looking forever, and the sex is never as hot after 20 years as it is after, say, 2. One day he would be old and ugly, the sex would be predictable and passionless, and he would still be this fucking psycho. And even if I forgave him at the time, one day, when he was old and ugly, I would probably come to resent him for skinning my mother alive.
My current girlfriend tells me that I become erect too easily. This, she says, makes her reluctant to have sex because she never gets a chance to start things, and that turns her off. I do get hard pretty easily when we go to bed, kiss, cuddle, or even embrace, clothed or unclothed. I used to think this was normal. I hope you take this question seriously. This is causing stress in an otherwise good relationship.
To Not Getting Any at Work, who thinks that students (18- to 22-year-olds) “look like babies, far too young even to be very sexually interesting (let alone intellectually interesting),” let me explain how fucked-up you are (you might want to stop jerking off to the latest edition of “Sexy Over Sixty” magazine and listen). Number one: This is about sex, not about some fantasy intellectual relationship. Savvy college-age girls are into getting laid by desirable men and women (my lesbian TA friend was quite successful with the “bi-curious” straight gals). Number two: Eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old girls are absolutely radiant. No, I don’t want to marry them, but the biological imperative operating here is undeniable. Number three: If you think this kind of behavior doesn’t go on, well, that’s because you’re not in the right crowd.
