Hey, Faggot:
I don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about. I’ve never heard of cockfighting contests, and I hope never to hear of them again.
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Anyway, about Las Vegas: my research assistant Kevin and I just returned from Nevada, where we spent two glam days and one fab night with Janet Klein, winner of the Savage Love trivia contest. We were worried we might be stuck in Vegas with some weirdo–someone like you, Sincere Steve–but Janet and her lover/traveling companion, Greg, were presentable, personable, and loads of fun. I’d never been to Las Vegas before, and I’d like to share some of my impressions with you.
Your “Confidential to Millennial Anxiety” was factually inaccurate. The ejaculate of a man who has had a vasectomy contains no DNA. Semen is made of sperm cells, which contain DNA, and seminal fluid, comprised of protein. Protein contains no DNA, so there’s no way to do a DNA test on it. Rapists who have had vasectomies are hell on sex-crime investigators. –Forensic Science Junky
Also disturbing: the very young (two-year-olds crying in casinos at three in the morning while their parents gamble); the very old (sickly octogenarians wheeled up to slot machines).
Thanks for a great column!
The airport/in-flight/hotel malls all featured the exact same stores, all with the exact same merchandise. Is this what people travel for? I don’t get it. Is there supposed to be something more interesting about shopping at a Gap in a Las Vegas hotel than there is about shopping at a Gap six blocks from my house? Or the on-line Gap I can log on to six feet from my bed? If everything is just the same wherever you go, why go anywhere at all?
