I’m male, primarily hetero, and my wife and I are in our early 40s. We’ve been married for six years, have two great kids, a nice house, and life is good, except–for a couple of decades I’ve wanted to have a threesome with two women. (In college I did several guy-guy-girl three-ways, and it was fun.) My wife has never been interested in my fantasy, but before we married she agreed that she’d explore it with me. In turn I agreed to have kids, a notion I was leery of at the time.
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I don’t want to cheat on her. I don’t want to coerce her into doing something she now claims she finds distasteful. I don’t want to divorce her over this. But I would like to realize my fantasy, and I’m severely bummed and feel cheated. We’ve seen a couple of counselors, each of whom instantly concluded, “Well, she changed her mind, you need to deal with it.” That seems unfair. Shouldn’t the possibility of her “opening up sexually” at least be discussed? Can you see a way out of this?
The way I see it, WBS, you have four options: You can cheat on your wife and have a threesome with two other women. You can coerce your wife into having a threesome that neither of you will enjoy. You can divorce your wife and have threesomes with other women. Or you can give in to your wife and never have a threesome. While all four options are unpleasant, they’re not equally unpleasant. What you have to do is figure out which is the least unpleasant option, and the answer seems obvious to me: you’re going to have to cheat on your wife.
Then kiss, make up, and go look for your threesome. Take out a personal ad. If you travel on business, spend a lot of time in hotel bars. Or just hire a couple escorts. If the wife finds out you had a three-way, tell her that two women threw themselves at you and–just like you warned her–you weren’t able to resist. Then get on your knees and beg her not to divorce your ass.
–Bewildered in Manhattan
