N-I-G-G-E-R. I’ll never forget the first time I accidentally used that word in mixed company. It was 20 years ago at the University of Missouri, and I was engaged in lighthearted chitchat with Kent, my white roommate, when I casually called him a “nigger.”

“But you just called me a nigger,” he replied.

Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »

There have been times in my life when I’ve felt very comfortable using the word, but I’ve also struggled with its usage. And now that I’m a parent I cringe at the notion that my two children will someday have to try to understand what these six letters mean to them, their friends and foes, and the larger society. While my wife and I are readying ourselves for questions like “Where do babies come from?” I know that none will be more vexing than the first innocent query about the N-word.

I could take the easy way out and tell our kids that “nigger” is a bad word that good boys and girls should never use. Or maybe I could recite the old “sticks and stones” adage and tell them it’s a name that can never hurt them. But neither tactic is likely to work, especially the second, since I don’t believe it myself.

I don’t believe the publishers of the collegiate edition meant to offend anyone. Most likely, they were simply reflecting the confusion that stems from the paradoxical usage of the word among Americans of all hues, cultures, and generations.

Rock, who used to lampoon CBS anchor Bryant Gumbel for “talking white,” recently apologized publicly for using such a label. But he doesn’t plan to cut “nigger” out of his act anytime soon. “I’ll stop when niggas stop,” he said. “Niggas robbed my house, robbed my mother’s house. Black people didn’t do that.” He adds, “I would love to have no reason to use the word. I’d love for it to be obsolete.”

Sounds like a good idea. But does this really require much deliberation? I don’t think so. The third edition of the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language already has it figured out. Its definition of “nigger” begins with the words “offensive slang…used as a disparaging term for a black person.” As an illustration, a quote from James Baldwin follows: “You can only be destroyed by believing that you really are what the white world calls a Negro.”