At a recent evening of “girl talk” with some of my friends, the subject of makeup tips came up. One of the women said her mother swore by Preparation H to reduce the dreaded under-eye puffiness we all get sometimes. We all laughed, but afterward I wondered: Does it really work? What’s in it that shrinks hemorrhoids and under-eye bags? Is it safe to put it on your face? Why don’t you hear Heloise or Tammy Faye or Dr. Laura discussing this sort of helpful hint? Cecil, I know you can get to the bottom of this beauty secret. –Melissa, via the Internet
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I guess it’s only fitting that many of the people we consulted on this topic turned out to be flaming, uh, sphincters. We’d heard that Preparation H was a favorite trick of models, along with Vaseline to make your teeth shine brighter, surgical tape to create more cleavage, and body glue to keep your straps from falling down and your swimsuit from riding up. But when my assistant Jane called a modeling agency to inquire, the rhymes-with-rich who answered the phone huffed that the Prep H rumor had been around for years and that it was merely a joke made at the expense of models and actresses. Sorry, lady, thought Jane. Sounds like you could stand a little Preparation H yourself.
“OK, out of the tub. Boy, was my face blotchy and puffy. Hah! I gingerly patted some Preparation H around my eyes. Let me tell you, this is not a pleasant-smelling product for one’s dainty little face. I looked hard at myself in the mirror, then five minutes later, and then in another five minutes, and another five, etc. Each time I saw the same thing looking back at me: not just puffy eyes, but puffy, shiny eyes. I felt like…” Well, like a three-letter word for a donkey, but this struck me as an unfortunate choice of terms. Anyway, the stuff didn’t work.
The indented bottom, called a punt, is useful in the traditional method of making sparkling wines, known as riddling or remuage. The bottles are placed in special racks with the top of one nestled into the punt of the next, then gradually tipped upside down. This causes sediment to settle into the neck of the bottle, from which it’s eventually removed. In still (nonsparkling) wines, the punt serves the same purpose as the indented bottoms of tavern beer steins–it makes you think you’re getting a lot more than you are.
