My next-door neighbors just had a baby, announcing the birth with a pink lawn sign that says, “It’s a girl!” However, the space where you’re supposed to fill in the name of the baby was left blank. When my sister and her friend Jenn asked why it was blank, I suggested that maybe our neighbors hadn’t picked out a name yet. Jenn responded to this with “Babies can’t leave the hospital until they have names. It’s a law.” When I stated that this wasn’t true and asked where she had gotten her information, Jenn became all agitated and twirly, screaming, “Don’t you think I’m credible? You shouldn’t go around making fun of other people’s belief systems.” Because she won’t believe me or tell me where she obtained her idea, I’ve come to you to set Jenn straight. Is there really a law that says babies can’t leave the hospital without first being named? –Jessica, Glenville, New York
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Challenging someone on a statement of fact is making fun of their belief system, huh? That’s great. I should send that one to Bill Clinton.
Your legal rights notwithstanding, many people–including a lot of hospital functionaries–have an ingrained sense that not naming your child, or at least not exhibiting any urgency in the matter, is an unnatural act. Many hospitals have a “name lady,” often a volunteer, who comes around to ask for the newborn’s name before the family goes home. Typically you can apply for the child’s social security number at the same time. If you play ball and name names, the service is free. But if, as you’re legally entitled, you want to send the name in later, you may be hit with a fee, and worse, you may incur the wrath of the name lady.
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration by Slug Signorino.
