From the pages of Stay Free! ¥ Issue #15 (P.O. Box 306, Prince Street Station, New York, NY 10012; $3)
David Cross is the bald, Jewish one
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There’s a little mom and pop store where I live (the quaint hamlet of Hollywood, California) that gives away free shoes. It’s true! It’s called the Nike store, and they’ll give you free clothing…well, not you, but me. Now, I’ve got plenty of money. I do not need free shoes, and hopefully never will. Still, I went to the Nike store. In fact, I called them and arranged an appointment. And it wasn’t for research purposes. When it comes right down to it, I just wanted the free shit.
I turned down very little. I remember being suddenly honest when presented with a couple of turtlenecks with the Nike Swoosh prominently displayed on the turtle of the neck part. “I wouldn’t ever wear those, no thanks….Oh, okay.” I got the feeling that not too many people turned stuff down. Would Shaq have taken them? (Note to self: Call Shaquille O’Neal–ask about Nike turtleneck.) Well, the end result of all this was not only walking out of there with a new friend, someone that I will forever more refer to as a “nice lady,” but with bags of clothing that, as of this day, are scattered about the United States in various Goodwills, ex-girlfriends’ closets, and on the feet of several Mr. Show staffers.
